Welcome to Yellow Brick Roads For The Color Blind. If you are reading this, prepare to be over-, under-, or regularly-whelmed. Let me start with the following disclaimer: I have no idea what is going to happen next. With that out of the way, let’s begin.
My name is Harry. As I am typing this, I am the smartest guy in the room. I am the only guy in the room. Ipso facto, I am also the dumbest, and of the two options, (smartest or dumbest) I prefer being lazy. My mind works in ways that I don’t always understand. In that regard, you and I are both very much alike and simultaneously polar opposites. If I’ve lost you already, either go back to the beginning or stop reading, the choice is yours. If you’re keeping up, wonderful. I was rather hoping you would.
As you may have noticed, I am full of lovely little contradictions. I like that. It makes me feel like a quantum computer of some sort, although infinitely less complex. Which brings me to the next fun tidbit about myself: I have no super powers. That thought is very reassuring to me. Sometimes, in the course of a conversation, the question will arise, “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” I invariably answer, “teleportation,” and invariably, I am lying. The reason I lie is so I don’t look like a dick. The truthful answer is as follows: “I don’t need a super power, and if I did, I sure as shit wouldn’t tell you, as that would render any super power I was unlucky enough to have utterly useless.”
The final thing you need to know about me in this little post is that I believe in pants. I consider shorts to be a variant of pants, so I believe in them as well. That’s pretty much the extent of my religious views. (No idolatry. That would be a waste of pants.)
So keep your pants on.
-Harry
